Civility

Ambiguity vs. Conviction
Love vs. Loathing
Filth vs. Sanctity
Necessity vs. Desire
Madness vs. Wisdom

Torn between:

What is
What was
What could be

Which side are you on?







(December 22nd)

For my Child, whom I shall never meet...

Breathe.

Watching you sleep puts the world
In perspective

There is peace
(however fleeting)

Cynicism has no place
Where you dream

I will lie beside you
And find myself





(December 17th)

Dolls

I want to be something pretty
but all I have is all I know

And you can’t bear to hear it

Yet it spills into
Everything I am

I dress it up and paint it for you

But…

The paints are peeling
The stitches are ripping
The colors fade

I try to fit into the future you need

Swallowing my past whole
I choke

And you can’t save me







(December 17th)

Channel 3

Mercenaries and Militia

The bleeding heart that sings

The graphic deportation of humanity

Money is violence
Sex chokes the silent

Watch as the anticipation builds

Happiness is a miniseries

Pain is the 6 o’clock news

Everyday it airs
With a new story to tell







(December 17th)

1993

Wasted and weathered
The desert promises
Filth

There is a cash cow
Just sell your soul
Pop trunk and you’ll find it
Hiding

Eyes of youth are clouding
Pain-induced glaucoma
Even they won’t see the mistake
Repeating

Some will stretch
Toward the border
Never breaking
Free






(December 17th)

Conceit

I am not who they said I would be

God will be the Judge

Meanwhile,
I’ll be my own Executioner
(I’m not who I should be)

God obviously noticed

Why bother Him with
Insignificance?








(December 16th)

December

Damn, it’s cold in here

I’m all by myself.

Wait and pretend
There is a point

To this
To you
To me

And the answer is coming

I may never hear it.











(December 16th)

Déjà vu

How do we stop
when we shouldn’t have started?

How do I quiet
what screams in my ear?

I want to feel
But have nothing left to use


Why won’t it
come back to me?

What in me has gone so awry
that I see all that curses me?

Where we were
(is where)
We always have been







(December 8th)

The Same dream again

There are many things I want to say
I silence myself

Pretense in constant competition with vulnerability
I need to want you

I can’t bring myself to care enough
Even when I did

After all this time
I don’t understand
The flesh that haunts me

Those possibilities have ended
Ways that are gone






(End of November)

Gestalt:

The layers of you
Falling away from pretend

Wanting to see
Who you are

Spoken with eyes closed
Touched in complete openness

Where the whole of you resides






(End Of November)

The Black Market

Emerged yet dehydrated
Lost and manipulated


Logically confused

Spin doctors at large
Love without charge


Going to, but had been

Already in line
The emotional mime


Break all the windows

Closing my eyes
Save me again


Never to rise

Throw into the fire
Cast out the liar


Ascend the morale

Affection is marketed
Not on sale


Come up for air

...And Breathe





(November 19th)

Churchian 101

Semantic Theology
Demonstrable Hatred

Rules, Judgment, Condemnation
A Neo-Trinity

Espousing Virtues
Acting in Sin




(November 10th)

Phone call

You didn’t say it
But I heard it all the same

Insinuations of you and I
Hidden by pauses in conversation

Platonic inquiries and polite lies
The Unspoken screams for a voice

Talk to me.




(October 4th)

Feel it

::Feel it.:: 9.28

Darkness runs,
the light struggles

Breathing…deeper…Pushing
Faster, faster

Inside,
there is rhythm

Again.
more….
More.

Climbing…..needing…holding
And…

Oh.

Darkness is still, light blazes
Sated.




(September 28th)

::not to Be::

I want to heal you
But I can’t suture myself

I need you to need me
(because)
I won’t do it alone

Good intentions walk with selfishness
Lies pilot Love

I wanted to be good to you
I hoped you be good for me

Promises mean nothing
When they become the answer
(for Everything)





(September 25th)

Art Personified

sketching and shading
(Wants and Emotions)
filling in what is already overrun
(How much can a Soul hold?)





September 25th)

Don’t be Afraid

Look behind you
She ran ahead

Find what you can
Cling to it

Focus before you
Cast him aside

Believe in what Hurts
Remember the meaning

Stop and pick up the pieces
Feel your principles

Living only lasts a Season





(September 25th)

Dialogue

Talking to you
Screaming at me

Cyclical, Vicious
Round and Round

Inside a world of
Straight Lines




(September 25)

Nadar

In Mexico otra vez
Hace calor

Dust and the road
Walk across, looking
Atras

Ondas del sangre
The tide is high
Todavia


(September 24)

Journey’s on the Radio

Why don’t we rock on anymore?
Why did you punk out again?

Why did you sing it to me, if you’ll never hear the song?

Why do we keep fucking eachother?

Go, On.
Fuck me again.

I’ll only cry when you close the door.

I love you, hate you.
You love me.



Because you sit outside and Listen.



(September 7)