Illegal Yield

Signs point to slow

but there's grit on the windshield

I can't see


I can't fuckin' drive either.

So it's all relative, yeah?


Waits growls, then Cave lows...

I wake up in the backseat.


What's wrong?

What's wrong?


(it's too quiet, but so damn loud.)



Why the fuck am I here?

Just go back to sleep.

It ain't my car.



Nothing is mine anymore.






(October 8th)

My head pounds in time

Palpitations

Quick, quick, slow.
Scent of a man
He’s not you.
He’s not you...

Pulses that won’t stop

Scent of a woman
She’s not me.
She’s not me...

Quick, quick, slow

I have felt how it moves.
When to give it all...

Does it feel as good
When no one knows
Your real name?






(October 5th)

"you didn’t miss me"

close my eyes
it vibrates
spins, dancing, furling
my feet sink uneven
it goes
open my mouth
it hurts
heaves, aching , slinging
my hands leave steady
it is
I open my eyes
it stops
I close my mouth
it was
anything, everything, something


The blood rushes back to my heart


(October 4th)

Spill it on the steps.

the edge of cold
your soul was gold
melted into a shrine
i could worship at your feet

you let my blood run
send the goat out
it is time for my atonement

you are most high

warming at the edge of cold
tarnished gold
the altar crumbles
my knees are raw

you drained a still
the goat came back
it is late for my conviction

you are a lie.






(October 3rd)

A Gypsy and a Snake Charmer

Makeuppedblacknesssmearsmyeyes
It'ssofuckinghotoutsideIwillmissallthatweneverhad
GoddamnthestickinessHoldinginavarice
WipeawaythekohlSweatoutthe eveningLicksaltfromthecornerofyourownmouth
Soyou'llrememberthesweetnessofmine.
It'sstillthatfuckinghot.
Outside...





(October 1st)

Narxist

The spaces are crowding
The collectivist is thinning out
The revolution has stale-mated
My liberation is abated by self-inscribed shackles.
Individuation is a parlour trick for whores
Shift silently back into caste
Close your hands around my throat
Slide deeply in my regime.







(September 28th)

You’re my free time.

You will hurt me
You will use me
I will reciprocate
to lessen my own pain.
The historical abuse repetition
Even though I did not forget
You will hide
You will lie
I will reiterate
why tell the truth?
It could only lead to something
Pure.





(September 26th)

Inebriate

Drunk like sadness
Drunk like trust
Drunk like vehemence
Drunk like piety
Drunk like sex
Drunk like day
Drunk like night
Drunk like loss
Drunk like laughter
Drunk like bravado
Drunk like screaming
Drunk like me
Drunk like you
Drunk like love
Drunk enough


Shot one
Shot two
Shot three
Open your throat
and swallow me whole






(September 25th)

You’re the first to see me like this.

What am I doing with you?)
"I want you close"
As I couldn't.
the risk is exponent
"All of you is mine right now"
discover the lie
As I didn't.
"Just stay"
As I won't.
wanting so much
(Do I know how?)




(September 15th)

well-read ignorance

Emeshed in noir fiction of a hideous pace
Cuckolded by an autobiography
it all plays on familiar.
Washed in carnality
Dried out by apathy
it hangs on stricture
The untimely denouement
is right behind





(September 14th)

Civility

Ambiguity vs. Conviction
Love vs. Loathing
Filth vs. Sanctity
Necessity vs. Desire
Madness vs. Wisdom

Torn between:

What is
What was
What could be

Which side are you on?







(December 22nd)

For my Child, whom I shall never meet...

Breathe.

Watching you sleep puts the world
In perspective

There is peace
(however fleeting)

Cynicism has no place
Where you dream

I will lie beside you
And find myself





(December 17th)

Dolls

I want to be something pretty
but all I have is all I know

And you can’t bear to hear it

Yet it spills into
Everything I am

I dress it up and paint it for you

But…

The paints are peeling
The stitches are ripping
The colors fade

I try to fit into the future you need

Swallowing my past whole
I choke

And you can’t save me







(December 17th)

Channel 3

Mercenaries and Militia

The bleeding heart that sings

The graphic deportation of humanity

Money is violence
Sex chokes the silent

Watch as the anticipation builds

Happiness is a miniseries

Pain is the 6 o’clock news

Everyday it airs
With a new story to tell







(December 17th)

1993

Wasted and weathered
The desert promises
Filth

There is a cash cow
Just sell your soul
Pop trunk and you’ll find it
Hiding

Eyes of youth are clouding
Pain-induced glaucoma
Even they won’t see the mistake
Repeating

Some will stretch
Toward the border
Never breaking
Free






(December 17th)

Conceit

I am not who they said I would be

God will be the Judge

Meanwhile,
I’ll be my own Executioner
(I’m not who I should be)

God obviously noticed

Why bother Him with
Insignificance?








(December 16th)

December

Damn, it’s cold in here

I’m all by myself.

Wait and pretend
There is a point

To this
To you
To me

And the answer is coming

I may never hear it.











(December 16th)

Déjà vu

How do we stop
when we shouldn’t have started?

How do I quiet
what screams in my ear?

I want to feel
But have nothing left to use


Why won’t it
come back to me?

What in me has gone so awry
that I see all that curses me?

Where we were
(is where)
We always have been







(December 8th)

The Same dream again

There are many things I want to say
I silence myself

Pretense in constant competition with vulnerability
I need to want you

I can’t bring myself to care enough
Even when I did

After all this time
I don’t understand
The flesh that haunts me

Those possibilities have ended
Ways that are gone






(End of November)

Gestalt:

The layers of you
Falling away from pretend

Wanting to see
Who you are

Spoken with eyes closed
Touched in complete openness

Where the whole of you resides






(End Of November)

The Black Market

Emerged yet dehydrated
Lost and manipulated


Logically confused

Spin doctors at large
Love without charge


Going to, but had been

Already in line
The emotional mime


Break all the windows

Closing my eyes
Save me again


Never to rise

Throw into the fire
Cast out the liar


Ascend the morale

Affection is marketed
Not on sale


Come up for air

...And Breathe





(November 19th)

Churchian 101

Semantic Theology
Demonstrable Hatred

Rules, Judgment, Condemnation
A Neo-Trinity

Espousing Virtues
Acting in Sin




(November 10th)

Phone call

You didn’t say it
But I heard it all the same

Insinuations of you and I
Hidden by pauses in conversation

Platonic inquiries and polite lies
The Unspoken screams for a voice

Talk to me.




(October 4th)

Feel it

::Feel it.:: 9.28

Darkness runs,
the light struggles

Breathing…deeper…Pushing
Faster, faster

Inside,
there is rhythm

Again.
more….
More.

Climbing…..needing…holding
And…

Oh.

Darkness is still, light blazes
Sated.




(September 28th)

::not to Be::

I want to heal you
But I can’t suture myself

I need you to need me
(because)
I won’t do it alone

Good intentions walk with selfishness
Lies pilot Love

I wanted to be good to you
I hoped you be good for me

Promises mean nothing
When they become the answer
(for Everything)





(September 25th)

Art Personified

sketching and shading
(Wants and Emotions)
filling in what is already overrun
(How much can a Soul hold?)





September 25th)

Don’t be Afraid

Look behind you
She ran ahead

Find what you can
Cling to it

Focus before you
Cast him aside

Believe in what Hurts
Remember the meaning

Stop and pick up the pieces
Feel your principles

Living only lasts a Season





(September 25th)

Easing.

The sex we spill
the roles we fill
the inside
the out
the moan as it cools
lovers for fools
Grip my shoulders
push my hips
the outside
the in
pull me fiercely
heated sigh
someone's alibi
Unfolds






(September 10th)

Yellow Taffeta

Sweet tea and red velvet cake

The decay of gentility on brocade

Chivalry is alive and misogyny is his dancing partner.

If you listen, you can pick up the strains of piano

The soft counting, a girl at first cotillion

White gloves are in his pocket

She forgot…to smile





(August 17th)

Lost without exit.

Stop closing your eyes to the road

The streets you sacrifice upon
are melting

The river is a runnin' high.

Let me drive, I can steer

navigate
compensated
Holding out for what we've hated.


Highways so ill fated....


Liquid pavement, the tide is in.
a runnin' high
a runnin’ high


Get out

Get down

Get this



And let me drive.






(August 15th)

Workin’ it.

Take it up
Take it up


Flip it to the back
then the front.... now

baby, baby…baby, baby

You're so fine.


Wanna hold you, wanna make you
(wanna make, wanna hold)


Buy it till it's all been
Sold…




Yeah.


Take it up
Take it up


Slide to the front
then the back.... now.

Baby, baby… baby, baby


You're so fi-i-i-ine!



Wanna teach you what's mine....







(August 13th)

Desert Postcards

Walking through a storm
Stealing through a canyon
Thrashing through my heart

A silly beating heart
One foolish bloody heart
Too many mistaken rhythms

Caves and blackness
You never came out
Bravery was swallowed

By Doubt

The only traces
Are tracks made by

My barely beating heart
A halved and dry heart
Twisted bleeding off-key

The storm broke
The canyon fell
Dust of my heart



(August 7th)

Wanton

I’d a' fucked you from the inside out

I did twice before (maybe more...)

And you liked it.

I could see it in your eyes
Feel it in the current of your skin
Taste it in your salt

Too bad you left.

I’d a' fucked you from the inside out

But I’d a' loved you harder

I already did
And you lost it.





(August 1st)

A paper-napkin Phone #

Look what the wild horses dragged in
Feigned boredom and mediocrity
Wears paper-thin

Can you justify yourself?
Can you sanctify yourself?
Does it ache again?

It always will.

Look at what the wind blew by
Razored compassion and empathy
Tells a lie

Will you break again?
Will you take again?
Will it rip again?

It can.
Oh, it can




(August 1st)

Aloe

Antiseptics dull

I miss your mouth
Covering all like a salve

I’ve forgotten the taste
You leave inside me

I flushed it out.

And now,
I want it to
flood back

Take the sting away.





(July 31st)

Hominy

Thick heat
Slow syntax
Molasses breathing

A lingering
The coolness of a kiss
On the state line
Heady

The past falls on Alabama





(July 31st)

Arrive on Time

Junk food and cigarettes
Mascara running blue
Is effortless

Your hands in my hair is a reminder

There is a home for me
and you try
Your best

Please forgive and Please Forget
Knowing how to get there
Seeing what to get

It’s coming.




(July 27th)

The Patio Sessions:

Cigarette burns
Smoldering ashes
In a red plastic cup

My head hurts
Breathing tears in
Hits my throat

Too many memories
to deny

Too little
to feel safe

Healing blisters


for a while




(July 26th)

Hipster

Silly boy

So addicted to your causes
wrapped up in your movements
Lost in a philosophy of your own choosing


Superficially committed to a revolution
That does not exist

You are not the man living by the truths
of his principles

You are a child enraged by the binds
of his past




(July 23rd)

Echo and Sway

Singing songs in my head
Screaming in my dreams


Crying in mute
Lying in stereo

Saving you is the only way I make it


And you’re still dead.





(July 23rd)

::The gist of it::

Waiting for nepotism

Pride is a luxury
she’s saving up for

Humiliation is economics

No self-worth
Is just good common sense



(July 23rd)

Baby, give it a little while…

Terrified and confused
Twisted by conviction
Silent Convocation

Death is a character flaw

and I can’t take it,
no, I won’t take it.




(July 23rd)

Get a handle, get a crutch

Losing something
Just needed it
A little more

I’m drowning in shit
Choking on Pity

Asphyxiated by a
plastic sense of self doubt

Another hit
long-held drag
It’s a new way

To fall short for the last time


This time.




(July 23rd)

The longest Question

It’s too late to tell
The truth
Absolve me and move
On

Nothing I could spin
Would straighten out
The kink in your Past

So I Run Wildly
Toward the New

Catch me
If you can




(September 26th)

Cerebral

Social Apocalypse
Outlines remain
Retrograde Clarity rises
Anarchy is the nightmare
Conformity sings us a lullaby
Sweetly sighing in the collective ear
Look up into the seamless red sky
Count the stars that used to be there
Did you forget your name?




(September 26th)

Manda Amor

Unabashed,

I hold my love for you
Outstretched for you to receive

Unashamed,

I etch my devotion to you
On my skin for you to touch

Unafraid,

I declare my faith in you
With a voice for you to remember

Undeterred,

I follow my passion for you
My hand is for you to hold



(September 26th)

Prayers for the Dead:

Forgive Me,
For I know not
What I want to be

It has been an era since I last
Opened my eyes
In the Age of closed lips

Silence Reigns.

Faded screams illustrate history
From my lips
Decay falls

Corrosion of the Civilized.

Forgive Me,
For I have forgotten
The Sin

Today is the Day of Atonement
Amen.




(September 26th)

A long Vacation

You have been away from me
For far too long

I miss your contours
I miss your tones

The ties that bind

Where are you?
Is too redundant

And

When are you coming back?
Is too passive

So…

Who am I to you?




Is to the point.





(May 26th)

Motel Chic

The American Design
Caricatured in a cocaine line
The economical partnership of a
Cut-off straw and a heated spoon

Lean into the mirror of a
Euphoria-laced sociology
And light the flame that

meltsintoaliquidculture.

Inject it with a vicious haste
Breathe again once more


(April 14th)

You only have to remember one year
The one that will have meaning

A whirlwind epoch of era
365 days
Decades capsulated into
12 months

One year becomes an amalgamation of
Love/Sex/Pain/Joy/Anger/Sadness
Birth and Death

The one that starts and ends
Your Life

As you lived it before




(April)

A Neil Diamond T-shirt

Press on the accelerator
Shift down as you pass
over the cliff

Roll down the window
Feel the rush of air
The gas tank on “E” doesn’t matter

Because

You’re on a never-ending expressway
With a favorite on the radio
(…“Sweet Car-o-liine”…)

You’ll get there on time









(April 6th)

Looking under the cap

We are dying
Thanx for trying
We gave it all we had
We didn’t have shit

YOU ARE NOT A WINNER
Please play again

(your chances are 1 in a lifetime)




(April 5th)

Formal Attire

He was like a party dress
The perfect way to feel
Pretty

Holding a promise of fun

Giddy, I put him on
And zipped him up

Then I caught my reflection in the mirror

I did NOT look pretty
Only worn and overdone

No fun, but disappointing

So I ripped the fucker off and stood there naked

I looked beautiful




(April 5th)

Rosary Tattoo

Switch the color
Change the filter

I can’t see you
I never will

Trip the ambience
Flip the line

Take it in and get your fill

Where does it all go?
All that I won’t show

Bleed it out of me
Bleed it out of me

Feel the lust
That which we trust

There is something still
Touching you again




(April 5th)

A casual Response

I neglected to mention yesterday
That I died last week

Perhaps I forgot to say something
Because it’s not much different than before

Honestly,
I’m perfectly fine

I only brought it up as a means
of polite conversation

After all, you did inquire as to how I was doing

As you can see,
I’m doing well

It was so kind of you to ask




(March 8th)

SELF-INFLICTED SWEATSHOP

THE MECHANISM OF MY SOUL
IS WINDING DOWN

I HAVE LOST THE KEY TO RESTART IT.

will someone help me find it?
can anyone say my name?
(so i know what it sounds like to be human)

THE STRUCTURE OF MY HEART IS COLLAPSING
INWARD.


(February 23rd)

::I thought of you.::

The wind makes me cry
One gust is like an outpouring
of grief
Evidenced in a weeping sigh
Tears trace the pattern on my skin
In the rain
I am as happy
as everyone else

There is a drought coming.



(February 12th)

Not Really

Stairwells shaded by florescent
Lights

Walls bathed in antiseptic
Flip the switch and nothing comes
On

Turn the handle to get out
But

Steal away from the window instead
If they ask you to look back
Just say
No

Darkness is confusing and is not
Real

Seek out direction
Endure the macabre
To find
Illumination




(February 5th)

A Girl who ran Away with the Circus

Fastidious in my guilt
Stoic in my grief

I walk a tightrope of normalcy

One foot
In front of
The other

I will make it across

Upon the last step
It will end

Making this promise every time

Still I walk
Performing for everyone

One foot
In front of
The other

Going back across

Stained by my guilt
Overwhelmed by my grief





(January 29th)

Knock Before Entering

Empty water cups
The salt of it all
is dried to the bottom

Paint-chipped corners
Forsaken colors underneath
bleed out

Spoons are bent
The shape it takes
hangs as a monument

The window is open
The bars are invisible
a door came off its hinges
in a time





long before...


(January 24th)

Intrapersonal

Having conversations
in my head
(AGAIN)
Breathing all the things
I want to say
(LOUDLY)
To the one who listens
who ridicules/understands
who loves/hates
(QUESTIONS)
Spinning my words
Degrading my wants
an angry Nemesis
(ME)


(January 15th)

Resolutions

She knew she had to
Stop believing in Santa Claus
When mom stopped coming home

You knew you had to
Stop berating yourself
When you woke up to
Beating your kids

They knew they had to
Stop hoping for a change
When everyday the Screaming
Just got louder

I knew I had to
Stop giving of myself
When all I got back
Was nothing

We knew we had to
Stop lying to ourselves
When we could no longer
Feel


(January 2nd)

Dialogue

Talking to you
Screaming at me

Cyclical, Vicious
Round and Round

Inside a world of
Straight Lines




(September 25)

Nadar

In Mexico otra vez
Hace calor

Dust and the road
Walk across, looking
Atras

Ondas del sangre
The tide is high
Todavia


(September 24)

Journey’s on the Radio

Why don’t we rock on anymore?
Why did you punk out again?

Why did you sing it to me, if you’ll never hear the song?

Why do we keep fucking eachother?

Go, On.
Fuck me again.

I’ll only cry when you close the door.

I love you, hate you.
You love me.



Because you sit outside and Listen.



(September 7)

Social Politicking

Anonymity is only good
Until you notice everyone (stopped) watching
attention Whores get ignored
More than anyone else

Wounds that never heal
Are Humanity’s common ground





(September 5)

Cries for No One

Black and white pictures
Technicolor scars
Similarities juxtaposed
against complacency

Necessities denied in shame
Liberties taken violently

again.
Again…..
again.


(September 4)

Fotos

Grayed Portraits stare from the wall
Stark Anger condenses the air

What is done
Is Done

Lies and truth are made to mimic
Each other

Choking on the thin altitude of hypocrisy



(August 24)

Obituary Blues

Why are things so fucking sad sometimes?
Why is Love so hard to find if we’re all looking?
Why can best intentions be seen as ulterior motive?
Why is money modern form of bloodletting?
Why can’t you say what you mean and mean it?
Why do things go to shit when hope is leaving?
Why, why, why, why?

You could ask that forever.



(July 5)

A Soundtrack

Rapture in pop radio

Gritty and unclear
Conversations had again
And again

What does it mean?

You’d simply let go
It wouldn’t occur to him
That catching this

Might be what he needs too

Sing the same song
Until the meaning is bled out
Might as well

What else can be done?


Turn up the radio
Just a bit louder



(June 26)

Where’s the Fight

Where’s the Fight?

Linoleum Existences
Marred and shined over

Dirt swept
Blood rinsed

Sex and fighting
Breath leads dying
Scratches filled in

Industrial Revolution
Erotic Mechanization
Emotional Farms
Abandoned Mortality

Foreclosed



I need the War

(March 25)

A Mantra

Risking can be beautiful
When longevity is fleeting

Who will take up the banner
When no one else cares?

Asking you to hold me
Would be far too messy


Planning is the Mother of Insecurity


(March 12)

Undone

Dirty little secret
(she is whispered)

No one will see

Kiss as you like
Becoming spoiled

(she feels unclean)

Words in darkness
Vapor in light

Known in skin
Ignorant of face

(she keeps reaching)

Silver lit mind
Shards, a slivered soul

Everything is done
Nothing really is


(And she understands)

The War

Even when you are bleeding
hold on
Because there is nothing else
but love.

Love is to feed
Yet, you will starve

I hold you close
You run away

We pierce each other
Together wrap the wounds

I will cling to you and you to me.

We are one forever
Bleeding and holding on

Because there is nothing else
But love


Ours.

The Situation at hand

::The Situation at hand::


Wretched Obligation

Forced Interrogation

Anonymous Threat

Let it in.

Delicate Phrasing

Chanting vernacular
Creating again
Spinning behind

Remember the taste.

Buscamos

Malinche, Guadalupe, Llorona


Las hermanas de las mujeres
(las putas de los hombres)


La muchacha Cochina
La muchacha Bella
La muchacha Mala

(cual una es cual?)

Pain, so familiar

Pain, so familiar, keeps beating

Mind coming undone

Bruises fade, blood washes
Scars are indelible

It’s my fault anyway
I know better than to try.

Silence is your reasoning
Keeping with your sanity
Silence hides truth
Am I not deserving?

Your sympathy does nothing
Shaming me
As I hit the wall
Lost.

Please turn the other way
My reality disturbs

I won’t blame
Just close the door
All better now.

We both know it’s better not to try

Baptism

Up the mount to Ambrose Chapel
Wailing for the wayward ones

Down the road to the Death Machine
Where Justice swiftly Comes

Through the Gates they all will march
Born-Again tranquility

(they will find all is lost.)

Evidenced in Apathy
Salvation won in oppression

Horror of the meek
Rejoicing in Ascension

Trampling the weak

::Just be Still::

Languid
Lifeless defeat

Chipping away now
Oh. My.
She is most complacent


SCREAMING

Wounded

Running, not going

In facing down

the Ugly

I expose it all.

18

Pushing for something
possession

A want to touch

He
will
open
her