Tepid Reactionary

Alone with headphones
Crowded with indifference

How Cliché.

Bitter smile, sad posturing
Wistful
Benign

Getting Lost in mediocre rage

Stop being an asshole.





(January 25th)

A Two-act

There is a beautiful man in my bed again
I have no idea how he got there
He lies naked and still
He lies aware and moving
I am nothing but confused

Useless words taint meaningful acts
An act is what got me here in the first place
Now I am my own audience

There is a beautiful man in my...again
He knows exactly how he got there
I lie naked and still
I lie aware and moving
He is everything but used





(November 2nd)

Malingerer

I fell outside of you again
circling the straight path
to those easily given
Where does it begin to end to unravel to fail?

Ceremonies and profanities dwell in the same space

I've forgotten myself inside you again
beaten down the ran road
for they who've taken
Why does it stop to start to exhale to die?

Obscurity and sanctity chant in the same tongue

I will not remember us tomorrow.





(November 2nd)

Could you be?

I see you walk in.
I'm sitting in the corner.
You sit at a table directly in my line of vision.

I look at you and wonder:
Will you be the one to love me?

Will you love the humor in me?
The bile?
The shame?
the pride?
Will you love my scars?
the broken spots?
the things decayed?
the hope?
my violent temper?
my brilliance?
the anorexic in me?
the martyr in me?
the revolutionary?
the coward?
the mother?

Will you appreciate my sex?
my devotion?
my compassion?
my hatred?
my sadness?

Will you respect my autonomy?
my culture?
my history?
my secrets?
my barriers?
my pain?
my joy?

Will you need my presence?
my touch?
my voice?
my heart?
my strength?
my soul?

Will you fight for my affection?
my respect?
my life?
my honor?

Will you be the one to love me?

You look up.
A glance.
There is a smile.
A shift in weight.

You are not the one.

I go back to my book, and wait for yet another day.






(November 6th)

Treble and Bass

There is shit strewn everywhere
This is a goddamned disaster
we don't know where to start
it feels so good just to fuck you
The song plays loud
but won't drown it out

I'm stretched across my own divide
You tap dance along
it was easier just to fuck you
The song plays louder
still not drowning out

The definition of lust
This antithetical emotion
is the way you marginalize me
it hurt just to fuck you
The song plays screaming
can't be drowned out

There was shit thrown everywhere
That was an obscene disaster
I know how to end this
it is a waste just to fuck me
when there's more here
than you could ever hope to be

The song played out
I can finally hear
as. you. just. drown.






(November 20th)

no place of residence

I'm so gone

already said goodbye
cut the ties
bondage thick
doctrine-laden

but now I'm gone

Emptied-out reserve
markings serve reminding
mantras reverberate
sycophant released

still staying gone

exorcise the shame
wild in progress
retrospect the unchartered
take what can be

I ain't coming back
ain't coming back





(October 20th)

Illegal Yield

Signs point to slow

but there's grit on the windshield

I can't see


I can't fuckin' drive either.

So it's all relative, yeah?


Waits growls, then Cave lows...

I wake up in the backseat.


What's wrong?

What's wrong?


(it's too quiet, but so damn loud.)



Why the fuck am I here?

Just go back to sleep.

It ain't my car.



Nothing is mine anymore.






(October 8th)

My head pounds in time

Palpitations

Quick, quick, slow.
Scent of a man
He’s not you.
He’s not you...

Pulses that won’t stop

Scent of a woman
She’s not me.
She’s not me...

Quick, quick, slow

I have felt how it moves.
When to give it all...

Does it feel as good
When no one knows
Your real name?






(October 5th)

"you didn’t miss me"

close my eyes
it vibrates
spins, dancing, furling
my feet sink uneven
it goes
open my mouth
it hurts
heaves, aching , slinging
my hands leave steady
it is
I open my eyes
it stops
I close my mouth
it was
anything, everything, something


The blood rushes back to my heart


(October 4th)

Spill it on the steps.

the edge of cold
your soul was gold
melted into a shrine
i could worship at your feet

you let my blood run
send the goat out
it is time for my atonement

you are most high

warming at the edge of cold
tarnished gold
the altar crumbles
my knees are raw

you drained a still
the goat came back
it is late for my conviction

you are a lie.






(October 3rd)

A Gypsy and a Snake Charmer

Makeuppedblacknesssmearsmyeyes
It'ssofuckinghotoutsideIwillmissallthatweneverhad
GoddamnthestickinessHoldinginavarice
WipeawaythekohlSweatoutthe eveningLicksaltfromthecornerofyourownmouth
Soyou'llrememberthesweetnessofmine.
It'sstillthatfuckinghot.
Outside...





(October 1st)

Narxist

The spaces are crowding
The collectivist is thinning out
The revolution has stale-mated
My liberation is abated by self-inscribed shackles.
Individuation is a parlour trick for whores
Shift silently back into caste
Close your hands around my throat
Slide deeply in my regime.







(September 28th)

You’re my free time.

You will hurt me
You will use me
I will reciprocate
to lessen my own pain.
The historical abuse repetition
Even though I did not forget
You will hide
You will lie
I will reiterate
why tell the truth?
It could only lead to something
Pure.





(September 26th)

Inebriate

Drunk like sadness
Drunk like trust
Drunk like vehemence
Drunk like piety
Drunk like sex
Drunk like day
Drunk like night
Drunk like loss
Drunk like laughter
Drunk like bravado
Drunk like screaming
Drunk like me
Drunk like you
Drunk like love
Drunk enough


Shot one
Shot two
Shot three
Open your throat
and swallow me whole






(September 25th)

You’re the first to see me like this.

What am I doing with you?)
"I want you close"
As I couldn't.
the risk is exponent
"All of you is mine right now"
discover the lie
As I didn't.
"Just stay"
As I won't.
wanting so much
(Do I know how?)




(September 15th)

well-read ignorance

Emeshed in noir fiction of a hideous pace
Cuckolded by an autobiography
it all plays on familiar.
Washed in carnality
Dried out by apathy
it hangs on stricture
The untimely denouement
is right behind





(September 14th)

Easing.

The sex we spill
the roles we fill
the inside
the out
the moan as it cools
lovers for fools
Grip my shoulders
push my hips
the outside
the in
pull me fiercely
heated sigh
someone's alibi
Unfolds






(September 10th)

Yellow Taffeta

Sweet tea and red velvet cake

The decay of gentility on brocade

Chivalry is alive and misogyny is his dancing partner.

If you listen, you can pick up the strains of piano

The soft counting, a girl at first cotillion

White gloves are in his pocket

She forgot…to smile





(August 17th)

Lost without exit.

Stop closing your eyes to the road

The streets you sacrifice upon
are melting

The river is a runnin' high.

Let me drive, I can steer

navigate
compensated
Holding out for what we've hated.


Highways so ill fated....


Liquid pavement, the tide is in.
a runnin' high
a runnin’ high


Get out

Get down

Get this



And let me drive.






(August 15th)

Workin’ it.

Take it up
Take it up


Flip it to the back
then the front.... now

baby, baby…baby, baby

You're so fine.


Wanna hold you, wanna make you
(wanna make, wanna hold)


Buy it till it's all been
Sold…




Yeah.


Take it up
Take it up


Slide to the front
then the back.... now.

Baby, baby… baby, baby


You're so fi-i-i-ine!



Wanna teach you what's mine....







(August 13th)